Everyone has a dream for their life. Even the people who vehemently say I just want to “live” or “survive” has something they desire to do. Your life dream is that vision that calls to you when you lay your head to rest at night. That thing you see yourself doing that brings you joy with just the thought of attaining it. Your life dream or destiny as we often call it is that thing your heart reaches for and pulls you to constantly. You can silence it, turn it into a whisper, but it will always be there, ready to resurface when you have to face yourself in the mirror. Most of us sadly never reach our life dream. Most of us, settle for what the world tells us is logical and reasonable. I have come to learn that fear can easily become one of our most crippling emotions if it is not managed right. Fear is not supposed to stop us from reaching our full potential! Yet we allow it to do just that every day! Your dream, your purpose, your destiny is REAL. It doesn’t matter how big or small, it is yours. In attaining our life dream we often find a joy that is unspeakable, and a peace that is unmatched by anything. Growing up in the Pentecostal church we would call this “walking in the calling that God has for your life” doing that thing that is only meant for you. So what is your fear? What is the fear that stops you from pressing toward the mark and reaching your full potential? Is it a situation that’s hard? If so, situations change day by day, sometimes minute by minute. Is it people that have placed fear in your heart? If so, NO ONE, not one person has the right to stand in the way of your hearts desires. If the people in your life truly love you they will feel nothing but happiness and joy for you, and will push you to reach that which you desire. Have I expelled all fear and reached my goal? Honestly, NO! Have I identified my fears and the roots? YES! One of my biggest fears that stood in the way of me reaching my highest potential or my life dream was…..me! And your fear is probably you. We become afraid of our own greatness. This day I challenge you and I to do something drastic, Every time fear stops you from trying something, push it out of the way and do it anyway! My freedom has come, from learning to step out on faith and leave fear behind, pressing toward the call that God has placed on my life. The more I take my own challenge and go forth, the more lives I change and the more my life is changed. What is drawing you? What is pulling you? What brings you joy? I wish I could give you step by step instructions to find your dream and to expel the fear and go forth, but your journey is individual to you. What I will say is this, when I was little I was terrified of the water. I had learned to swim, but knowing that there was a possibility I could drown terrified and paralyzed me. As I grew, I felt pulled to jump into the water and feel the same freedom and fun everyone else seemed to. One day, I stood on the edge of the pool, closed my eyes, turned my face toward the warm, bright sun and jumped in! I am still swimming and these days you can’t get me out of the water. It is the most beautiful, relaxing thing I have ever felt. So I end with this JUMP IN AND SWIM”
If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, be thankful that your paths crossed. And even if they can’t stay for some reason, be thankful that somehow they brought joy into your life, even if it was for a short while. Life is change. People come and go, some stay, some don’t and that’s okay. Remember the good times and smile that it happened.
We have such a had time letting people go; I get it, I really do. When someone is important to you and has made an impact on your life, you want that feeling forever. Positive, strong connections are addicting, you feel like you need it all the time you feel like you will never find that feeling again if it goes away. I get it; I am currently in the process of letting go and it’s hard, but for right now, it’s necessary. This person made an impact from our very first conversation and continued to make an impact until the day he had to leave. He didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want him to leave but life just couldn’t afford us the opportunity to be together at this point in time. Some days, I’m superwoman; I’m strong and I now I’ll be alright, he’s off fixing his life, I’m continuing on with mine. Other days, I’m a crying mess. I’m not sleeping, I’m barely eating and my spirit misses his presence. He made such a positive impact that being in the position to let him go has been infuriating at times! I couldn’t understand why I was allowed to experience such happiness, only to have it take from me so suddenly. Then one night as I asked that question yet again through my tears it hit me “You learned what you needed to learn, even through your tears, you are more hopeful about the kind of love that you deserve in your life and can come into your life if you open your heart to it the way you did with him”. It is time to let go. Will he ever be back? I don’t know….only life knows and life is great at keeping secrets! I can’t stop my life wondering either…..It’s time to let go.
Letting go isn’t easy but it is certainly necessary. Letting go is the only way you can fully move forward in life. That person’s time in your life, though it was amazing, is over, dry your tears, pick up your lesson, hold it in your heart and continue on. If you are reading this right in the middle of your heartache, you are probably cursing me out a few times over, I get that too. If one more person had told me that everything happens for a reason and that I would be ok, I was about ready to throw something. Truth is……I am ok and my heart beats with a little more peace these days. I am ok and you will be too, but not if you keep trying to hold on to someone who’s time is up…..Let go. Change isn’t always easy but it is a part of life that no one can escape. Pick your head up dear soul, life, love, peace is still available for you and things will get better.
Have I let him go from my heart? No, absolutely not, he is special. If he come back and we are both at the point in our life when the time is right, will I receive him with open arms? Absolutely, he has a place with me. Will I stop my life in the meantime though? Simply put…..no. My life is too full and blessed to spend it closed off and in tears, and so is yours.
Let it go, live your life, what is meant to be, will be…..and if not, remember the good times and smile that it happened.
Identity is defined as the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another. Some synonyms for identity are individuality, personality, distinctiveness and uniqueness. Do you know who you are? Finding your own identity is one of the most important things you can do in your life, and the earlier you find it, the clearer your path in life will become. You might be wondering if I’m being overly dramatic when I say it’s one of the most important things you will do in your life, what about your career? What about being a wife or a husband? What about being a parent? Yes, it’s more important that any of these because I can tell you from experience that if you don’t know who you are, none of these will work out as well as they could.
Too many of us beautiful souls are walking around living life in the picture that others created for us. We are the spouse that the world thinks we should be, we are the mother that we grew up watching on TV, and we are the workers that society tells us we should be in the handbook. This might be fine for a while, but if any of these things that you let define you were to go away, would you still know who you are?
Knowing who you are means understanding and being confident in your spirit, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your flaws (please don’t try to say you don’t have any, I will literally roll my eyes SO hard at you, nobody is perfect) your strengths, what motivates you, what gets you excited? What will you tolerate? What won’t you tolerate?
When you don’t know yourself and are not confident in yourself, every negative thing, every critique (even the constructive ones that are meant to help you grow) will send you spiraling into negative emotions. Worse yet, you will begin to believe every negative word spoken to you and about you, which in the end only harms you. It debilitates you from living the best life possible because you won’t believe that you deserve the best life possible. When you haven’t found yourself you open yourself up to letting anyone mold you to their desires. This is dangerous, dangerous territory because now you are allowing others to control your mind and spirit, which is hard to come back from…..not impossible, but hard.
It took me years to find myself. I let others tell me what my gifts were, where I should be working, what type of wife I should be, how a mother is supposed to act, and according to others I was failing across the board. I was miserable and put on more weight than I have ever carried. Even when I was working within the ministry I thought all was finally well; until I woke up one Sunday and sat on the bathroom floor in tears because I felt like my outfit wasn’t right, my hair wasn’t perfect and someone was going to tell me I wasn’t representing the ministry right. That Sunday I thought “I just want to die”. I had no peace anywhere within me, because I was living for others and others opinions. You HAVE to know your identity.
How did I find my identity? You will read this quote often in my writings “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. Everything came crashing down on a rainy May day when my husband and I decided to divorce. Everything I thought I knew came crashing down (make no mistake though, my ex is a great man and wonderful father who is a great friend of mine and is now successfully finding his path too). I had to relearn or should I say learn who I was. This took lots of trial and error, a supportive family, great friends and a wonderful therapist who was obviously sent from God. The process of finding your identity and knowing who you are is an active lifelong one. Life will always throw you situations in which you have to make the best decision for you and you will need to understand yourself in order to do that. You have to know who you are, because the world will spend a lot of time telling you who they think you are.
I’m not saying it will be quick, I’m not saying it will be easy…….but I AM saying it will be worth it.
Finally the best way I can sum this up comes from this quote “The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose” – Richard Grant
“A curse can be born from a single, stray thought. Magic is born, in part, from emotions and intent. An angry wish, spoken or otherwise can set off a chain reaction you’d normally never start. Learning to maintain control over your emotions, especially negative ones, is the first step to truly mastering your minds abilities” 40 Powerful Thoughts
Webster’s Dictionary defines emotion as: a strong feeling (such as love, anger, joy, hate, or fear)
That’s it?! Really…like for real? That one little sentence? Emotions can have us up, down, in, out and all around within a matter of seconds and those things are STRONG! So you mean to tell me that one small sentence is all we get?
Well obviously we know much better. Emotions, if left unchecked can literally make or break either us or a situation. What exactly am I saying? I deal with emotions every day from everywhere, children and adults. I am the behavior lead of an elementary school program which means there are days where all I deal with are emotions. There was one particular week where my emotions were all over the place and I let them run all over the place. I could feel myself becoming unbalanced and I could feel that my emotions were just running the show, yet I did nothing to rein them in. That was one of the most negative weeks I had had in a very long time. My patience was short and I couldn’t even bring myself to smile at anyone; at one point I had completely lost my patience with another adult and walked away angry. I felt completely drained and ineffective that week, worse yet I was rude to a colleague of mine which is unprofessional. All in all, I exhibited behavior that was quite unlike me. I let my feelings of frustration build until they turned into anger and resentment, which led to my inability to communicate effectively, and I am BIG on positive, effective communication.
It wasn’t until I took some time away to meditate that I felt strong enough and peaceful enough to start the week in a more positive way. Now, we all lead very busy lives and we aren’t always able to step away from work for even a few minutes to pray, breathe, meditate or whatever it is you do to keep yourself and your emotions balanced. Checking and maintaining your emotions has to be a conscious effort on your part. Meaning that when you feel frustration rising, you have to acknowledge it as soon as you feel it and do whatever you need to do to not let that negative emotion rise and grow. Sometimes that might mean taking some deep breathes, walking away from the situation for a few minutes or just saying to yourself quickly “it’s all good”. When you don’t check your emotions, you can potentially dump them onto someone else, who will then internalize them and dump them onto the next person and so forth. You ever noticed that when you walk into a room of people, if one person is negative then generally that energy is just sitting in the room and everyone else, including you will start to feel it and take it out on each other? That is a bunch of people, in a room letting their emotions run wild and no one has stopped to take notice and bring their own emotions under control.
Emotions are way more than just the one word sentence that Webster’s Dictionary gives us. Emotions are many, emotions are deep and they have roots. Learning how to recognize and master your emotions can be a lifelong process but it is a necessary one. Amazing things can happen in the process of learning to control your emotions. Connections are made, a deeper level of understanding happens and burdens are lifted. Stop letting your emotions control your reactions because there will be a day when you have a reaction that you can’t fix or take back.
Until next time my dears…..stay blessed!
The skies were a crystal blue and there were a few wispy, pure white clouds that resembled cotton candy when it has been pulled apart. The sun was a bright, golden and it looked gorgeous but it was HOT. I stepped outside into the 90 degree weather that day and immediately began to feel myself sweat. “Well that took no time at all” I thought as I pulled my napkin from my purse and began to pat my forehead and nose. “Oh my freaking goodness, does it need to be this damn humid?” I said aloud. As soon as the last word left my mouth I immediately started to chuckle. It was July; seven months ago we were buried under snow, nineteen winter storms in total. Three months ago we still had snow showers in April, and I was still wearing a winter coat.
Seasons change, sometimes it takes a while to see and notice but eventually the change does happen. As I lift my face toward the sky to take in the soft breeze I am reminded of the scripture I used to hear in church as a child. In Ecclesiastes chapter three King Solomon wrote that there are seasons for everything and he goes on to describe the changes that happen in life.
Nothing can remain the same; try as you might t o keep things the same change is inevitable. Not only that but we are not meant to stay in the same season forever. Think about the time span from birth to adulthood, you are constantly growing and changing mentally as well as physically. So why do we fight so hard against the changes in life? I remember one year we had a beautiful fall and I was in love with the scenery and the weather. Soon as the end of November came, I immediately started to groan because that meant winter was coming and Connecticut winters can be brutal…..I was anticipating the negative aspect of change. This is generally the reason we fear change so much, change can be uncomfortable because we don’t know what is coming and often our first reaction is to think negatively about it. Well the season changed as it always will, and winter came as it always does and that year, while we had very cold temperatures, we barely had any snow, it had been a mild winter. Not every change will be turbulent, pick your head up and think positively.
Remember this; you have a mission and a purpose in life that is unique to you. You are not here by accident, you are here for a reason and you are important. You cannot afford to get complacent and never move forward in life. Change helps you to grow, learn, mature and elevate. Nothing good comes from your refusal to move forward in life. Here’s an example, as the seasons change, you change, your lifestyle changes just a bit, your home environment changes, and the clothes you wear change. What happens if you try to go into winter wearing clothes from fall because you are resistant to the change? You will get sick, you will end up with hypothermia, frostbite and so forth…..all because you refused to change. What happens to stagnant (showing no activity, having no current or flow) water in the summertime? It develops an unpleasant smell and overall becomes unhealthy to whoever comes into direct contact with it. Refusal to grow and change can and will affect you and the lives around you.
Your new season awaits you! New experiences await you! New growth awaits you! Purpose is waiting for you! People that you will help and reach in a positive way are waiting for you! But you will never get there if you keep trying to stay in a season that you are no longer meant to be in.
It’s your time dear souls…..go through the change of seasons in your life and prosper!
“It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is what are we busy about?” – Henry David Thoreau
What is our life really about? This day in age we get so caught up with life, our jobs, our children, our family, reality television and everything else we are inundated with on a daily basis. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking this is what our life is always supposed to be like. However, where are your passions and desires? Now, get your head out of the gutter (or maybe that was just me, but that’s for another post!) I am NOT talking about those kinds of passions and desires! I am speaking of the passion and desires that will make your life feel fulfilled and meaningful. That which you have so much passion for and desire to do that will make your life feel like it has a purpose.
Too often we lose ourselves in the daily grind, and wonder why we are unfulfilled and saddened at night. Take some time and get away from the busyness of life, even if it is for a few moments, and begin to get in touch with your heart. Your heart will often tell of your life’s purpose and passion. Your heart tells you what you desire to do that will bring you the fulfillment you seek, pay attention to the seemingly small acts of kindness and opportunity that the universe will send you way. There is no such thing as a small act of kindness, every ounce of goodness we can deposit into this world counts! I once sat down in Starbucks, coffee in hand, working on my mentoring company; this has been the most frustrating process I have ever dealt with. It takes forever to establish a company as a not for profit organization and to develop clear goals and a mission filled with purpose. However I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that this is one of the things (just one) that God wants my life to be about.
So through my frustration, I begin to type at my small brown table against the cream colored wall. An older woman is behind me and she apparently has seen what I was working on. She then asks me how I got into mentoring young girls. In a nutshell I tell her of my journey, and how I seem to just meet young girls that need help. She smiles at me and says “It doesn’t sound like you chose mentoring, it sounds like mentoring chose you” this woman, whose name I still don’t know, pats me on the shoulder, gives me one last smile and walks out of Starbucks. I will not give a description of her, because just as mysterious as she is to you, she is still that mysterious to me. I will say this; she left me with a sense of hope and purpose on my journey. Don’t let the busyness of life bury you! Tap into your vision, your goals, your passions and STOP being afraid to reach them! STOP standing in your own way with too many questions and just go. It all starts with an “I can and I will” attitude. What will your life be about?
So this blog became like most other blogs out there, Unused and empty. That was never my intention or dream for this blog. My vision was that this blog, my words, would inspire the people that read it. The problem was…..I lost my own encouragement, happiness and overall belief that everything will be alright. I became the reader I wanted to inspire. Overworked, stressed and a little bit jaded by society. This is not an excuse, it’s a problem. I forgot what I always tell people, it is in the darkest part of our lives, that we have to dig deep to find that light again, and WE have to work overtime to keep the light bright. This inner light, this inner goodness, this inner peace that I am speaking of, is unique to YOU. It belongs to you, and no one, nothing, has the authority to take it away from you UNLESS….you give it to them. At some point, you will get tired of crying, your head and neck will get weak from hanging, your shoulders will get tired of sagging and you will get tired of feeling powerless because you have given it all away. Well there is some great news in store for you…….get ready……when you are ready to take it all back YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY BE ENDOWED WITH POWER TO DO SO! Your power and your light will never fit or belong to anyone or anything else. We all know the story of David and Goliath very well, but there is a small part of that story, that doesn’t get talked about often, but is so significant. Before going out to fight Goliath, David, being a man of small stature, was given King Saul’s armor to wear, as David put it on, it came right off, it was too big, and it didn’t belong to him. David immediately took it off and went forward with what was unique to him. Just like King Saul’s armor was too big for David and didn’t fit, your power, your inner light, was not made to fit anything or anyone else! Take it back and keep it! We all know that at the end of that story, David was victorious. You can be victorious as well, you can be stronger, wiser, And YOU CAN BE GREAT! So you are in a dark period, so all you see are shadows, well shadows can’t even exist without LIGHT. Pick your head up; you are an amazing human being and a human doing. The best men fall seven times, but get up eight! Let good thoughts be your sword and shield!
Life’s Diary welcomes you with open arms! Bring me your tired, your frustrated, your stressed, your negative, your anxious, your “I’m so on edge right now ya’ll only got one more time and I’m about to go off!”. Life is full of mountains (your ups) and valleys (your downs) and sometimes we just need to know that there we are not alone and someone, anyone can relate to us. I hope and pray that you find that here. My prayer is that through this blog you will find some inspiration, laughter, and anything that will motivate you to never give up, keep going, be your absolute best and offer the world your genuine positive gift!
“I choose to be unstoppable. I am bigger than my concerns and worries. The strength of others inspire me daily. I focus on my goal. I trust my intuition and live a courageous life” – Author Unknown