Born Identity

Identity is defined as the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another. Some synonyms for identity are individuality, personality, distinctiveness and uniqueness. Do you know who you are? Finding your own identity is one of the most important things you can do in your life, and the earlier you find it, the clearer your path in life will become. You might be wondering if I’m being overly dramatic when I say it’s one of the most important things you will do in your life, what about your career? What about being a wife or a husband? What about being a parent? Yes, it’s more important that any of these because I can tell you from experience that if you don’t know who you are, none of these will work out as well as they could.

Too many of us beautiful souls are walking around living life in the picture that others created for us. We are the spouse that the world thinks we should be, we are the mother that we grew up watching on TV, and we are the workers that society tells us we should be in the handbook. This might be fine for a while, but if any of these things that you let define you were to go away, would you still know who you are?

Knowing who you are means understanding and being confident in your spirit, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your flaws (please don’t  try to say you don’t have any, I will literally roll my eyes SO hard at you, nobody is perfect) your strengths, what motivates you, what gets you excited? What will you tolerate? What won’t you tolerate?

When you don’t know yourself and are not confident in yourself, every negative thing, every critique (even the constructive ones that are meant to help you grow) will send you spiraling into negative emotions. Worse yet, you will begin to believe every negative word spoken to you and about you, which in the end only harms you. It debilitates you from living the best life possible because you won’t believe that you deserve the best life possible. When you haven’t found yourself you open yourself up to letting anyone mold you to their desires. This is dangerous, dangerous territory because now you are allowing others to control your mind and spirit, which is hard to come back from…..not impossible, but hard.

It took me years to find myself. I let others tell me what my gifts were, where I should be working, what type of wife I should be, how a mother is supposed to act, and according to others I was failing across the board. I was miserable and put on more weight than I have ever carried. Even when I was working within the ministry I thought all was finally well; until I woke up one Sunday and sat on the bathroom floor in tears because I felt like my outfit wasn’t right, my hair wasn’t perfect and someone was going to tell me I wasn’t representing the ministry right. That Sunday I thought “I just want to die”. I had no peace anywhere within me, because I was living for others and others opinions. You HAVE to know your identity.

How did I find my identity? You will read this quote often in my writings “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. Everything came crashing down on a rainy May day when my husband and I decided to divorce. Everything I thought I knew came crashing down (make no mistake though, my ex is a great man and wonderful father who is a great friend of mine and is now successfully finding his path too). I had to relearn or should I say learn who I was. This took lots of trial and error, a supportive family, great friends and a wonderful therapist who was obviously sent from God. The process of finding your identity and knowing who you are is an active lifelong one. Life will always throw you situations in which you have to make the best decision for you and you will need to understand yourself in order to do that. You have to know who you are, because the world will spend a lot of time telling you who they think you are.

I’m not saying it will be quick, I’m not saying it will be easy…….but I AM saying it will be worth it.

Finally the best way I can sum this up comes from this quote “The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose” – Richard Grant

Emotional Rollercoaster

“A curse can be born from a single, stray thought. Magic is born, in part, from emotions and intent. An angry wish, spoken or otherwise can set off a chain reaction you’d normally never start. Learning to maintain control over your emotions, especially negative ones, is the first step to truly mastering your minds abilities” 40 Powerful Thoughts

Webster’s Dictionary defines emotion as: a strong feeling (such as love, anger, joy, hate, or fear)

That’s it?! Really…like for real? That one little sentence? Emotions can have us up, down, in, out and all around within a matter of seconds and those things are STRONG! So you mean to tell me that one small sentence is all we get?

Well obviously we know much better. Emotions, if left unchecked can literally make or break either us or a situation. What exactly am I saying? I deal with emotions every day from everywhere, children and adults. I am the behavior lead of an elementary school program which means there are days where all I deal with are emotions. There was one particular week where my emotions were all over the place and I let them run all over the place. I could feel myself becoming unbalanced and I could feel that my emotions were just running the show, yet I did nothing to rein them in. That was one of the most negative weeks I had had in a very long time. My patience was short and I couldn’t even bring myself to smile at anyone; at one point I had completely lost my patience with another adult and walked away angry. I felt completely drained and ineffective that week, worse yet I was rude to a colleague of mine which is unprofessional. All in all, I exhibited behavior that was quite unlike me. I let my feelings of frustration build until they turned into anger and resentment, which led to my inability to communicate effectively, and I am BIG on positive, effective communication.

It wasn’t until I took some time away to meditate that I felt strong enough and peaceful enough to start the week in a more positive way. Now, we all lead very busy lives and we aren’t always able to step away from work for even a few minutes to pray, breathe, meditate or whatever it is you do to keep yourself and your emotions balanced.  Checking and maintaining your emotions has to be a conscious effort on your part. Meaning that when you feel frustration rising, you have to acknowledge it as soon as you feel it and do whatever you need to do to not let that negative emotion rise and grow. Sometimes that might mean taking some deep breathes, walking away from the situation for a few minutes or just saying to yourself quickly “it’s all good”. When you don’t check your emotions, you can potentially dump them onto someone else, who will then internalize them and dump them onto the next person and so forth. You ever noticed that when you walk into a room of people, if one person is negative then generally that energy is just sitting in the room and everyone else, including you will start to feel it and take it out on each other? That is a bunch of people, in a room letting their emotions run wild and no one has stopped to take notice and bring their own emotions under control.

Emotions are way more than just the one word sentence that Webster’s Dictionary gives us. Emotions are many, emotions are deep and they have roots. Learning how to recognize and master your emotions can be a lifelong process but it is a necessary one. Amazing things can happen in the process of learning to control your emotions. Connections are made, a deeper level of understanding happens and burdens are lifted. Stop letting your emotions control your reactions because there will be a day when you have a reaction that you can’t fix or take back.

Until next time my dears…..stay blessed!

Chamar

Heal Thyself Physician!

So this blog became like most other blogs out there, Unused and empty. That was never my intention or dream for this blog. My vision was that this blog, my words, would inspire the people that read it. The problem was…..I lost my own encouragement, happiness and overall belief that everything will be alright. I became the reader I wanted to inspire. Overworked, stressed and a little bit jaded by society. This is not an excuse, it’s a problem. I forgot what I always tell people, it is in the darkest part of our lives, that we have to dig deep to find that light again, and WE have to work overtime to keep the light bright. This inner light, this inner goodness, this inner peace that I am speaking of, is unique to YOU. It belongs to you, and no one, nothing, has the authority to take it away from you UNLESS….you give it to them. At some point, you will get tired of crying, your head and neck will get weak from hanging, your shoulders will get tired of sagging and you will get tired of feeling powerless because you have given it all away. Well there is some great news in store for you…….get ready……when you are ready to take it all back YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY BE ENDOWED WITH POWER TO DO SO! Your power and your light will never fit or belong to anyone or anything else. We all know the story of David and Goliath very well, but there is a small part of that story, that doesn’t get talked about often, but is so significant. Before going out to fight Goliath, David, being a man of small stature, was given King Saul’s armor to wear, as David put it on, it came right off, it was too big, and it didn’t belong to him. David immediately took it off and went forward with what was unique to him. Just like King Saul’s armor was too big for David and didn’t fit, your power, your inner light, was not made to fit anything or anyone else! Take it back and keep it! We all know that at the end of that story, David was victorious. You can be victorious as well, you can be stronger, wiser, And YOU CAN BE GREAT! So you are in a dark period, so all you see are shadows, well shadows can’t even exist without LIGHT. Pick your head up; you are an amazing human being and a human doing. The best men fall seven times, but get up eight! Let good thoughts be your sword and shield!

Welcome to Life’s Diary

Life’s Diary welcomes you with open arms! Bring me your tired, your frustrated, your stressed, your negative, your anxious, your “I’m so on edge right now ya’ll only got one more time and I’m about to go off!”. Life is full of mountains (your ups) and valleys (your downs) and sometimes we just need to know that there we are not alone and someone, anyone can relate to us. I hope and pray that you find that here. My prayer is that through this blog you will find some inspiration, laughter, and anything that will motivate you to never give up, keep going, be your absolute best and offer the world your genuine positive gift!

“I choose to be unstoppable. I am bigger than my concerns and worries. The strength of others inspire me daily. I focus on my goal. I trust my intuition and live a courageous life” – Author Unknown